For so long, I
forgot what strength
was and the ability to
realize what it truly is
I have been shattered more
than once,
being forced on such
occasions to put shards
back together on instinct
not truly knowing how,
and at the same time knowing
that the whole, once I make it
so will be different than
it ever could hope before
somehow along this path
the fire that I relied on was misplaced,
the passion was taken
what I once saw in myself was
falsified, made a mockery of
I had no way of knowing that it was
gone until I made attempts to
find it once more and could not
understand why I could not draw upon it
such things cause the heart to cry,
force the spirit into dark confusion
yet, hope remains…stable and true…pure beneath the underneath
lying in wait for me to find it once
more, whispering softly that I can, I shall, I will
and it can be done
I find these shards, moving past the fear of
losing them, and even looking for them
fearing that they may never be what I wish, will and want
them to be again
I find them in weeds, among the sands, in murky waters
and in roses, they were always here
as the pieces are found, they are put together
slowly, glowing in faith…the faith that was never taken
my spirit heals, begins to hover
the embers surrounding this jewel that I
hold, glow and crackle
it has never been extinguished, merely smothered,
smoldered, and unsuccessfully snuffed…somehow the
embers…these small certain things remain
they will burst forth soon
I find more shards,
more lost pieces of me that I thought
I would never attain again
the charm, the wit, the sureness of self…
Hidden in tall grasses, behind the vacant and
unused potential
these embers become small flames then
soft burning begins
it whispers louder now
telling me that all that I need, I have
and I will always have
I am not my circumstances, stumblings, shortcomings or laziness
I need not look to those who
have no intent on showing me whom I may
be, who I am or what I am capable of
my spirit becomes whole
again, the fire returns, the fire that
I have sought in others through word
and deed,
I find more shards to this jewel
this ever-present and precious gem
it is mine to protect, and I have not done so
at the best of my talent
as I realize these things, the more shards
appear,
I am half done with it now,
each time I acknowledge where I have fallen
I know that I cannot remain amongst these that still remain
wallowing in what they may change but have
no desire to…they have lost themselves
just as I have…just as I did
I wipe my brow, bandage what is broken
and I continue, I have no
choice but to do so
I must find all of me…I must seek my jewel
my own power
my ever-present being…I must prove to myself
that the eyes that peer back into mine
in mirrors are truly mine and
I am a worthy and able to look back into them
they will no longer be chilled and distant
passion will return, faith will be
squared and solidified, the fire will fuel this drive
I will not linger, or tarry where I am not
able to keep this jewel into
the light where it must be
to allow the light to decorate the many
facets, spilling and dispelling the
darkness that wishes only to
draw me into its fathoms once more
where there is no warmth
no trust, no love, only deception and stagnance
I must arise from this from which
I have fallen into
preserve the jewel that has be given to
me, I must find all the shards
the light must return to it
it must in order to heal and soothe my
aches, and wash away bruises and tears
once it is whole, I will be
whole, I will be me once more,
lost nevermore
(c) Jennifer P. Harris 2004, 2017
*Performed June 2017 at The Center on Vandeventer at a book signing event hosted by Southards Art Studio.
Thanks be for HOPE!
Ps:
You should go into your widgets and install a “Follow this blog” button so readers can easily follow you. A Recent Posts widget would be great, too.
LikeLike
Thank you. I will!
LikeLike