I had his name picked out. More than once: Quintin. Joshua. Micah. And for reasons known only to God, I was given daughters.
But, I have a best friend that made me a godparent. From her, I am The godmother of four…three are sons.
Spending time with them is joy unthinkable. I want to put it all in my pocket or on a string. I want to give them all I hold and beyond to prepare them for the world…designed to hate and devour them.
My oldest godson will be nine in December. I tell him he’s brilliant, and handsome and can do anything. I remember praying for him as my best friend still carried him. I look forward to the man he will become. He looks at life like he’s going to kick a field goal.
His brother, will be four in January. I remember streaking to the hospital to see him.
His mother and I way past the best friend point, she’s my sister, and I remember holding him. I had everyone extend their hands and pray for him.
I remember feeling the weight of being a godparent then, thought of my own godmother. I thought of how wonderful she is, and if I could give a fourth of that between the two of them, that would be amazing.
He always tells me, “I love you ever.” I tell him, “I love you ever!”. His eyes steadily widening along with his smile. I can never tell him no.
My youngest godson? He shares the name of the son yet unborn. He brightens my world, and I prayed for and over him too, sitting on his mother’s couch. Already, he’s curious about the world and everyone in it. He will be a year old in October.
Seeing my best friend, my sister, with her sons? It reminds me of just how diligent parenting makes you. Her fears are my fears.
As a godmother, my job if anything should happen wherein their mother cannot care for them, I’m to help in whatever capacity. She’s godmother to my daughters as well.
To my guys, the three that are here and the one yet to come, I offer this:
I love you. More than I can ever say or that you may ever see. I love you and will do all that lay in me to make this life as best I can for you.
The world at present is a dirty, mean place and sometimes I hate to see you out in it. But, I cannot hold you to me as the wide world outside needs you, and all you contain. My job is to make sure you remember that your destiny is there, and you must reach it.
Don’t be dismayed by people that don’t understand you, don’t like you because you’re different. Your job is to be you.
Know that your godmother/mother is human. I will mess up, overreact, and trip. I will because you matter to me, dearest one. I want all that God showed me concerning you. Since He showed me, I will remind you.
In this current time, you may not remember all my words towards you. You may not remember my tears, my prayers or why I tell you God is so important to me, and should be to you.
You may not understand why I cry at the news and wipe my face when I see you. You may not remember how I fussed at you to do better, and when I was disappointed when you did things that I knew you knew better than.
But I want you to always know is there is nothing you could ever do, to make me not love you.
From that love, you can do anything.