He Called Me A Storm…

He told me I was a storm.

He told me my eyes always gave that away. He said  there was depth to me he found intriguing and sensual and irresistible. With that, in 2003, my 22 year-old-self was all his. *Alejandro told me this exact quote,

Being from Florida, I weathered many a hurricane. I know a storm when I see one.”

Matter of fact, this was one of his nicknames for me:  Hurricane.

Why? He called me a force of nature.

Furious.

Strong.

Beautiful.

Leaving nothing untouched after I’m noticed.

Effects long lasting after I’m gone.

In the years which have followed, I’ve thought about this, what it means to be a storm, and  how I embody this. I took notice of the young men that showed interest in me, after Alejandro, as well whom I showed interest in. I noticed how these potential suitors and paramours spoke to me, treated me, and when they couldn’t keep pace, I coined the phrase, “Don’t chase what you can’t catch.”

I still stay that, and even told it to my current husband. I still remember him staring at me like I was slightly off-kilter. But, I am slightly off-kilter.

Storms are powerful, beautiful and needed. They display this power, raw and unyielding having a charge to the very  air in  the existence indeed shows why people chase them.

There’s a mystic nature to storms; how this power channels things around their forming–it details, its direction, strength and ones preparedness.

Alejandro spoke to that…even in my new 22-year-old broken heartedness, I heard him.

Even thinking about it now, I grin. It spoke strength back into me from a place of utter despair, depression and self-doubt. His presence in my life pulled me back together, his voice was anchor when the words I had so easily written before didn’t come back as I commanded so then.

For him to see that in me, among  that space of believing I was beautiful or brilliant, with every door I threw up (and lock he picked), wall I built (which he walked around), let me know indeed I was worth all good things, including love.

In the now 15 years I have known of his heart beating somewhere in the wide world, I smile when it storms. I know that he thinks of me on those days–just as I think of him when the sky is clear. Why? His eyes are blue.

Thank you, *Alejandro.

*-Not his real name. If you want to know more, see Able Unshakeable.

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