He told me I was a storm.
He told me my eyes always gave that away. He said there was depth to me he found intriguing and sensual and irresistible. With that, in 2003, my 22 year-old-self was all his. *Alejandro told me this exact quote,
“Being from Florida, I weathered many a hurricane. I know a storm when I see one.”
Matter of fact, this was one of his nicknames for me: Hurricane.
Why? He called me a force of nature.
Leaving nothing untouched after I’m noticed.
Effects long lasting after I’m gone.
In the years which have followed, I’ve thought about this, what it means to be a storm, and how I embody this. I took notice of the young men that showed interest in me, after Alejandro, as well whom I showed interest in. I noticed how these potential suitors and paramours spoke to me, treated me, and when they couldn’t keep pace, I coined the phrase, “Don’t chase what you can’t catch.”
I still stay that, and even told it to my current husband. I still remember him staring at me like I was slightly off-kilter. But, I am slightly off-kilter.
Storms are powerful, beautiful and needed. They display this power, raw and unyielding having a charge to the very air in the existence indeed shows why people chase them.
There’s a mystic nature to storms; how this power channels things around their forming–it details, its direction, strength and ones preparedness.
Alejandro spoke to that…even in my new 22-year-old broken heartedness, I heard him.
Even thinking about it now, I grin. It spoke strength back into me from a place of utter despair, depression and self-doubt. His presence in my life pulled me back together, his voice was anchor when the words I had so easily written before didn’t come back as I commanded so then.
For him to see that in me, among that space of believing I was beautiful or brilliant, with every door I threw up (and lock he picked), wall I built (which he walked around), let me know indeed I was worth all good things, including love.
In the now 15 years I have known of his heart beating somewhere in the wide world, I smile when it storms. I know that he thinks of me on those days–just as I think of him when the sky is clear. Why? His eyes are blue.
Thank you, *Alejandro.
*-Not his real name. If you want to know more, see Able Unshakeable.