The Tears We Wish To Stop

This is a hard one for me to write about. No matter how many times I have tried to piece this together, get the words together and it never seemed right. So, I am going to write from heart.

I recently found out that a family member of mine committed suicide in a vehicle while their child was in the house. Thankfully, the child was not physically injured, but we are still missing our family member. As being someone who has dealt with depression, anxiety, thoughts of suicide, attempted suicide early on as an adult, I am familiar with feeling hopeless or unworthy. However, with this situation, on top of it happening in my own family, its beyond difficult and very hard pill to swallow.

Suicidal thoughts can come from several places. Now days, living in the world of social media and instant gratification, those thoughts or feelings are more prevalent. Not dealing with situations in early childhood are most likely the starting point for feeling as if you are not worthy of life you live. Especially when if you lived in a house that was like mine.



                                         AND THE FAMOUS:    1.) WHAT HAPPENS IN MY HOUSE, STAYS IN MY HOUSE!!

Take a journey with me…

You’re 10 years old. You live in a home of complete disfunction. Your Mom and Dad are both on drugs. Your family members know about it. However, they aren’t financially capable of doing anything about it, so they can’t take you in. You are being neglected and ignored. You are being beat when your parents think you stole money from them. But  it’s really, they are high and you look like the enemy!

You are told you are better seen than heard. You go to school and get teased in the most embarrassing ways. After leaving school, you must come home to the same thing from siblings, only to  wake up and do this life all over again. Not just for another day, but for another 8-10 years.

Fast forward, and you are now 25.

You decide you can’t do this thing called life anymore.

You kill yourself.

Then what?  You have a family who is weeping, pretending, they don’t know what happened or why you would do it.  (Come on family, REALLY?!)

Now, add social media the mix!

This is what happens to many people around the world. *Especially,  in the black community. We are taught at an early age that you need to stop complaining and deal with it (whatever it is), or, “You need to just get over it!”

” You don’t have depression and anxiety!  Black people don’t have anxiety!”

” You have anxiety, huh? Go to bed!”

From a hurt child, to a hurting adult. When you hurt long enough, you begin to decide to find a way out.

See, we are so busy doing this thing called life to pay for our bills, spouse and putting on for The Book/The Gram, that we forget what is most important: our own selves

You can’t do anything if your mind, body, heart and spirit is toxic! When we are taught to sweep things under the rug, keep things on the hush, that behavior transitions to adulthood. Since we didn’t get the love, attention and help from our families, we look for a filler (Did I mention social media?).

I could go on and on about the behind the scenes factors that play a huge part of suicide in adults and adolescents. To some, suicide is an easy way out not a means to an end. It’s a mean to an end for the person who commits it, but not the ones you leave behind! Suicide is an extremely selfish act. For some people in certain situations, you leave your family behind to cry and weep for you. Some even commit suicide themselves.

I apologize for my generation and the generations before me, who didn’t set a proper and appropriate foundation for those who came after them  to feel loved, cherished, secure or cared for. Who didn’t teach you that you are worthy, valuable, adored and that you are enough.

There is more  help now then it was when I was growing up. There are suicide prevention lines, psychologists, text therapy app and  Google, to name a few.

If you feel like you can’t do life anymore, as if you would be better if weren’t on the planet anymore, please seek help! Don’t put your family though what I am going through right now. I am so happy that God spared my life so that I can be here to share my experience with you. Remember that you are not the only one in the world that are going through what you are going through.

Your situation may make you feel isolated, but this life is worth living. Reach out because even if family don’t reach back, someone will.

-Rebecca Quarles

The Ideal Firestarter Contributor

From the Admin:

Black children do have depression, deal with anxiety and experience trauma! And sad, hurting black children, become black adults whom have depression, anxiety and who nurture trauma. Therapy is not being white, or doing what white people do! You are worthy of this life and living all days givenJBH

4 thoughts on “The Tears We Wish To Stop

  1. Rebecca, this is beautifully written and so true! I’m glad you’re sharing your story, and helping other people who may be feeling hopeless, lost & depressed. Big love to you and that beautiful soul of yours! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sorry. I am just now seeing this. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. I thank you for the encouragement as well. With everything going on in the kits nice to know its still great people out there.


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