There is a reason I choose Maya Angelou as the identifying photo for this piece by Rebecca. There are more quote which have been used in this space, on this blog than any others. If anything, if anyone could say anything pertinent to the life of black women, aside from the power of Nikki and Angela, it would be Maya. The best quote I have from her is, “Continue.” Some times the best thing, and the hardest thing for those of the #FatherlessTribe to do is to do just that. Best, JBH.
Since we are discussing men this month, I want to clearly state: I am not dismissing women in anyway. Our role is just as important. However, by not having my biological Dad around, from my perception, I missed out and went through so much. Unfortunately, I don’t have many memories of him. I can remember when they sold popcorn as tall as my height now (5`2, yes, I’m short lol) and us walking to the corner store. There is one memory I will never forget. I was in the car with him right before he died.
Fathers are essential in the development of women!
On our last post, we gave thanks and paid homage to fathers who go above and beyond for their children. In saying that, I am going to pay the same homage to my biological dad, Robert Loving, who passed away when I was four years old.
This year marks when I found out my father’s birthday date, when he passed away and where is buried. Now, you would think my birth mom or my fathers’ family would have openly provided said information–nope! When questions were asked about him, no one responded!
So, I did what most people do when they need to find information: let the wheels turn and start googgling.
This year marks thirty years since my father left this earth. It is a constant void every day. There are so many questions I want to ask, but I know that I will never receive these answers.
I wanted to know some of the things he liked, favorite color–to have a sense of who he was as a person. I wanted to know what his laugh sounded like, and I have no memory of his voice.
If nothing else, I wanted to know what his presence would feel like and how it would have shaped me into being a better version of myself.
The day he died–everything happened so fast. One minute, I was sitting in his lap while he was driving and the next minute, I was in the back seat with him while he was leaned over slowly dying. I remember being afraid– but not crying. His sister was driving the car. We drove to the hospital. My birth mother was there, and he was pronounced dead. I remember everyone in the hospital crying. Then, the funeral. Let me just say this: it was packed!
Fast forward to thirty years later and I am 34 years old.
I am just now finding out his birthday is the same month as mine, July, that he died on July 4th at the age of 32. For someone who didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her father, I miss him every day! I don’t take those memories for granted, because at least I still have those.
I say all of this to say, Men you are needed.
We need you for: guidance, clarity, strength, direction, correction, love, honesty and protection. I know that the mother of your children may be difficult to deal with sometimes, but think of things in a different way: are you going to raise your kids or are you going to let either another man, society or the streets raise your children?
When you’re not present, it leaves us wondering who we truly are.
Knowing we, as these fatherless children, especially daughters, have a void in our lives and not being able to readily identify what it is. We need you to teach us how a man should treat us. You also teach us how we should treat our men.
I will end this month of honoring our men to again thank the fathers who show up for their children, for all occasions and not just for social media.
We love and respect you. You are appreciated. For the ones who are not, your children can do this thing called life, without you. However, that doesn’t mean we don’t need you.
You are the lovers of our heart and the first men that we fall in love with. I state again, Men you are essential to your children’s growth and development.
Will you be there?
[images from Wikipedia and Google]