There is a seducing nature to pain. A stabilizing factor in suffering. You can diagnosis it. Take medicine. Get more rest. Pain can be managed. Pain can be explained and reason with–it can even be a crutch. It can redraw the map of comfort and contact.
Healing is more complex, requires something deeper than medicine. It requires, strategy, implementation and the confronting of the source of such a pain. In that confrontation–here is where some survivors or victims of trauma reside.
Is it easier to have the pain?
Is it easier to heal?
There are so many things to do to blot out pain. Things to hide from it, lie about it–everything but what could be the simplest thing: admittance.
With any pain, for any healing, one doesn’t have to pin point what exactly caused it, but to admit it exists! Without this, nothing can go forward. Nothing can be assessed, prescribed or lessened unless pain is acknowledged.
There is nothing sexy about pain. There is a communal empathy around it, but there is nothing sexy about pain.
In my own #MeToo experience, I had to admit this happened–and had happened to me.
This happened to me.
This person took my body when I did not want him to, and despite my protest, despite my own no, took from me.
I had to admit that something I did not want, happened to me.
The medicine of admittance is often bitter—but necessary. I took it, had to take it. Remember it has I was sexually active in other relationships. I made the decision this situation, this incident wouldn’t define me. I wouldn’t let it.
I cried. I was enraged, a recluse. I was suspicious of anyone that showed interest in me. I had to get used to being touched again. Liking to be touched again. I had to go through the pain, by admitting there was one.
I was not okay. I was not alright. But I was determined to be again.
I am fully aware that not all survivors of trauma or assault get such a chance. I am aware pain-admittance-healing is cyclic. They need to be cyclic. I am aware there are repressed memories, family histories which may never be discovered or told as long as some are living.
I am aware some people die with this pain, hiding in plain sight. Or do healing for this type trauma out of prying eyes or open, strange ears.
Pain has the relentless nature of getting attention, to warn of suffering or problems. It is never meant to be something long suffering–pain is an alert, something to point in the direction of deeper work or attentions. Never romanced or worshipped.
Pain is meant to be temporal neither chronic without any relief.
Healing is cyclic, independent of other people’s opinions. And can be done in the deeper pieces of self. The light of this healing as meant only for those that desire it, the warmth of it. The restoration of it that allows you as the one whom be broken and effected to be reminded you will not die in the pain.
You must not.
Heal, dear one. Life grants you such time. Take it.
[image from Freepik.com; RAINN website]