Remember Firestarters, 1808 means the topic(s) discussed will be frank and may use frank language you may not be comfortable having anyone under 16 read. This is the fourth part of a five-part series. Be advised. -Admin
The deed is done now.
Here’s your real spit portion. If you said yes to the encounter, did you enjoy it? Did they respect you?
And the other thing–did they violate any boundaries? Did they disrespect you? The gray area is this–were you pressured?
Indeed. We don’t talk about this one a lot. Did you tell your partner yes because it was easier to than saying no?
Maybe you wanted to say no and because the situation was such that you thought you couldn’t say no. Maybe you thought saying yes would just be easier.
What I want to remind you that you own your body. You own your right to consent! You own your right to stop anything that is happening!
You own it. In owning that, if you want the encounter to happen, let all of you agree to it. There are tears shed during sex that cannot be explained–they aren’t always pleasure. Sometimes those tears are because we may have gone further than we thought. And because you did–you feel you can’t switch it off.
But you can.
But you can.
You have the power, the autonomy to do continue, to stop or put your boundaries up. Sex is never meant to be shameful, to hurt you or to be dirty. The person you choose to lay with needs to be able to honor you, respect you above all else.
This way, when you say no, stop, don’t–they will. If that is so, that makes the encounter whenever it happens, it is that much sweeter.
Sex is amazing when it’s done right. With the right person. When you are comfortable. When you’re ready. There is no need to rush. There are only so many holes and parts to fill them.
Now, I’m no prude. Never been. But I have been selective with the people I have decided to sleep with after my #MeToo moment. And those men have been in consensual within monogamous relationships.
This isn’t to shame if you have has a hook-up, random smash or friends with benefits. The same respect applies!
Phylicia Rashad says, “Your own self is such a treasure.” Remember that.