For All The Guys We Loved Before

Author Note: This piece is written in heteronormative terms. However, but I think some things and experiences are global. Love & Light, JBHarris

Every couple has a history and a story. In the madness of love, lust and break ups, sometimes we as women have a habit of always (without fail or question) demonizing the guys we were with. Now, granted, some of that demonization is true! Some men are ridiculous, mean and have no idea how to maintain, healthy successful relationships. Some men think the only way to prove a woman is worthy of them is to treat her like dirt and see if she stays. I have a demon like that in my dating history. As do most women.

However, there is some demonization that isn’t warranted. Sometimes (and I can hear the female Torches begging me to shut up, but it’s Men’s Month!), it’s us who aren’t ready. I hate to break it to you guys. Some of you are ready to settle down and be good boyfriends, or husbands before we ever can conceive of it. For every broken or angry man, there’s a girl whom feels the same way.

There are women that cheat on men that give them all they have. There are women that are scared of commitment. There are women that are afraid of being loved and loved in return. Yeah, we can be mean. And selfish. Stand-offish. And all together unreasonable. We take that out into the world, and sometimes it is the men that we want to love us who get the brunt of this.

Not all the breakups in the life of a woman are all the guy’s fault. And on behalf of the women whom were too silly to see you for all that you brought to them? I am sorry. You deserved better than half a woman. You deserved better than a girl that called you soft or weak because you treated her as the Queen she was never told she was. Nor she saw herself as. I am sorry for the girls that cheated; the lied; that stole body, time and love from you. I am sorry for the girls that thought to be treated well, having their whole selves loved, was never possible.

I am sorry for every broken heart evil women gave you. For the relationships that left you with nothing. I am sorry for the girls that saw you as nothing more than money and genitalia. I am sorry that you thought love was never yours to be found again. I am sorry that she shamed you about things you trusted her with. I am sorry she kink-shamed you when all you wanted was security and intimacy.

I also want you to know how proud I am of all of you, my gorgeous, brilliant and handsome Torches. I want you to know it doesn’t make you less of a man for treasuring, protecting, providing for the women you love. I want you to know, especially this month, that you have the right to be happy again. You have the right to know that you matter. That you are special. The girl that broke your heart, when all you tried to do was love her?

She missed out!

I want you to know that the woman (or man in some cases) that you want? The one that is coming? They will and should honor all that you are. Being with them should be joy! You are entitled to be happy. You are entitled to a healthy, peaceful relationship–without that being proven by the ability to withstand chaos and crazy.

Consider this your reminder from your Big Sister Who Blogs. My male Torches are some of the greatest group of dudes in the world. You are worthy of girl (or a guy) that thinks you’re hot and smart and amazing. And for every dizzy broad or selfish dude, there is one that will love you with their whole selves. If you would only let them.

Let love back in. Heal up, and let love back in.

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