Fellas, I need to tell you something.
It’s important. It’s going to be dirty, uncomfortable and utterly necessary.
First, know that I love y’all. I am a fan of men. And much like one of my sheroes Mae West, I like two kinds of men: domestic and imported. I’m off the market, but, you get the idea.
But as I am a male advocate, I have to tell you all one thing. Sit up straight and pay attention:
I need y’all to stop thinking that putting the girl you like/the woman you love through chaos, crazy and foolishness is the best way to have her prove her love to you.
That’s not how love works.
You cannot pressure a woman for sex because you are unaware of how to express your need for intimacy aside from being naked.
Your penis’s abilities or sexual acrobatics is not the main set of abilities to get a woman to love you. But that is another matter I’ll talk about later. Let’s refocus, beloveds, shall we?
I want you as men to understand when a woman says she loves you, that is monumental! Now, I get that Disney is made excellent profit of convincing little girls of maidenhood, the power of princes and shoes change your life.
But life isn’t always so simple.
What I need you all to understand is that loving another human being in the most frightening thing you can ever do. However, don’t think it impossible to do!
As the women who love you, and have loved you, it hurts when you push just to see if we will fall and run. Or dust ourselves off and stay. It hurts when the man you care for is dealing with pain he won’t tell you about, which stops you from getting close to him. But, he has no problem drowning pain in orgasms–whether he gives them to you or other people.
Let us in. Let us help. Let us be the soft place to fall, not the dumping ground because you can’t cope! Don’t let the love we bare you, carry for you, become a noose that hangs us. Or the the rope we swing free from you with! I want you to value the woman you are with. Value the woman you chose. I want you to realize that you don’t have to hurt a woman, watch her reaction, and then make the decision to love her back! That doesn’t always work. She may (read: will!) leave if she thinks you don’t it can’t love her as she loves you.
I want the notion that a woman has to prove her love to you in order for you to love her to end! I want you to relearn how to love yourself, so you can love someone else. I now that everyone enters relationships with baggage, disappoints, and hang-ups. It is how we deal with it that affects or reflects the relationship.
Let us love you as you are. Let us speak to the wounds and help you heal. We don’t want to be the dumping ground, the punching bag or the second choice. We want our believe in you to be rightly placed. To be heard and honored. We want to love all of you.
All of you.
I know that is possible.
I know in a world that prizes trauma, long-standing dysfunction before the inevitable prize of a healthy relationship this seems radical! Once the guy is ready, and can accept all that you are. Let us love you, fellas. Without pretense, proving or suspicion. You are worthy of healthy love, too. You are worthy of a person to build your life with.
Let us in. Let us love you. Let the women that love you have the happily ever after too.