I am wife, lover, mother, sister, friend.
My Daddy told me moons ago that a ‘real’ man has a wife, kids and a mortgage. As this is the last post for Men’s Month, allow me to speak to you frankly one last time. From these four areas, I believe–I pray, I hope—will encourage you to go forth and excel in the latter half of the year.
Friend. For most of my life, my friends have been male. And from that point, I need you to know that you should be able to tell your friends any and everything. Don’t expect us to consistently read your mind, bruh! But we do want to spend time with you, develop some intimacy beyond ‘let’s get up and do something.’ Your friends are some of the few things that should be able to tether you to the world. We are your safe spaces, living memory and saving graces. You can’t walk through the world alone, bruh! So stop trying.
There will be people you will outgrow. People will change as the world does and will. Don’t be afraid as you grow and grow up, and desire more of and from your life that your definition of friends will change. Your circles will change. Endure the changes, and rebuild from them. You deserve people in your life and corner whom want the best for you. With the only desire being to see you win. Find more friends, beloveds!
Sister. I have been blessed to have a little brother, and been adopted by several other young men as a big sister. From that vantage point, I want to leave you with this. I want you to know that as a sister, you are safe with me. I want you to know sisters are your guardians, your secret angels, your balances and your reminders of the treasures in earthen vessels that you have. After your mothers, it is us that love you most. Trust us with the messy parts of your life. Trust us with the secrets, the joys, the sorrows–and ask for help! Ask questions. Sisters are few people you will have unadulterated access to–use it! Let us love you. Let us help.
Mother. I am a biological mother of two children. As a mother, I want you to know that you can do anything! I want you to know every skill, gift and dream you have is valid. I want you to know you have the right to have people around you to help you, push you and cheer you on! You also have the right to dismiss toxic people, leave crazy environments, and let people understand the word ‘no’ is still a complete sentence. You have the right to live, love and achieve. Celebrate every small victory as if it is the Red Sea crossing!
Lover. To each their own, but let me give you a piece of sound advice. Well, two pieces. One: Sex starts before you’re ever naked. Two: It’s not all about you. Pleasure is one of those things that is always better when it is mutual! Learn what your partner likes, what they don’t like. Also, don’t be afraid to experiment or talk about sex! Talk about what you like as well! What also helps is learning your partner’s love language. Learn what turns them on—and off! Intimacy is what fuels really good sex. Tremendous sex lives thrive on it and the willingness to please the other person—knowing you’ll get that back. You’re stroke game is nothing is your partner is faking it or thinking about if they left the lights in the car on!
Wife/Partner. Take your relationships seriously! Value your partner! Think of your relationship as a kingdom. With this kingdom, you have to defend it from constant foreign invaders! The people that desire y’all to fail, break up or remain status quo. It is y’all against the invading armies is the world, so act like it! Treat your partner with respect. Support them. Love them. And protect them—this means gather those people whom always have something to say about them. Or, if need be, cut off toxic people!
Conversely, they need to value you as well! You are valuable and beautiful and are owed that respect! If your partner cannot give it to you, or continuously makes being with them impossible? End it. Life is too short and love too powerful. Build. Love. Protect. Defend. Be happy.
Like all advice, this has come from my heart, observations and my own experiences. Take what you can. Use what you must. I am proud of all you’re going to become.