Dear Future Melanin-Efficient Queen:
I know it took you until you were 17-years-old to feel beautiful within your dark hue. I mean, why would you feel good in the midst of being called Blackie, Tar baby, black as midnight? Oh, and let’s not forget that awkward stage in your life, when your teeth were too big for your face! So, instead of being called by your government name, or even your nickname, you were called horse-teeth.
You’ve had plenty of reasons beyond the two aforementioned facts for your self-esteem to be non-existent. Yet, you didn’t let any of those things keep you from learning to love yourself. Well, we do have to give credit to the elderly woman that lived on your street that told you, “You are the most beautiful chocolate girl I have ever seen!”
That was your pivotal moment of self-love for your complexion.
Yes sis, for years in your youth (especially during your teen years) you were aggressive. Angry. Quick-tempered, sassy, and a fighter. You didn’t know that you were this way as a result of being unprotected by those that were supposed to protect you at the ages of 7-9 years old.
The inconsistency of a person you loved unconditionally, at that point in your life, was constantly disappointing you.
Your younger maternal sibling was getting the affection you desperately craved.
There was no way for you know or decipher these emotions.
When your sexual abuse trauma was brought to light, it was treated as if you said, “I just scraped my knee”. A band-aid was placed there to cover the scar and expected to self-heal.
You needed to get that power back that was taken from you. So, you took it back with your brutal honesty. With your no nonsense tolerance. The moment someone did or said anything to you that you didn’t like, you were ready to fight: 95% of the physical altercations you were involved in, were you fighting your way back to that power you lost in that moment your innocence was taken away from you.
Sis, I need you to know something: sex does not guarantee that he will love you. Your value doesn’t live in your vagina. Don’t expect him to respect you when you aren’t respecting yourself!
Don’t expect him to stay if you aren’t making him feel like you want him to. Being honest about your emotions doesn’t make you weak. Complimenting him won’t lead to him taking advantage of you. Empowering him won’t diminish your strength.
My love, your mother loves you she just doesn’t know how to say it. She believes paying for you to have a private education, designer clothes and shoes, expensive gifts on holidays, and allowing you to have freedom should automatically translate to love for you.
She doesn’t know you need to hear the words.
She doesn’t know you need a hug and words of encouragement. Not only doesn’t she know that you need it, she doesn’t know how to provide that. She was never supplied with those things from her mother. Don’t hold that against her. It’s a generational curse that you break with your daughter. Guess what? Your mom will manifest all of that love, affection and attention to your daughter that you didn’t get. The best part? This will make you so happy and fulfilled.
Sis, I have to go, but I will send you another letter in a week or so. We have a lot more to discuss. Until then keep strong and know that you will grow into a phenomenal woman.