I’ll Be Better When I Get There

TW: sexual abuse, domestic violence, molestation, rape

Admin note: I am incredibly proud of Rebecca for being so forthcoming. Send her love and light. Some times the strongest women have the deepest wounds. We love you, Rebecca. Continue to be great! -JBHarris

Whew, chile!

The ages of 14-18 years old? This will be a hard time for you! It’s going to challenge you in a lot of ways that you aren’t prepared for. At this point in your life, you are being teased and mistreated by not only your sister, but now you’re in high school!

A symbol of a glorified popularity contest!

A place where you feel constantly judged and mistreated. I know you are hurt by what you are going through. Why wouldn’t you be? You are, at this point, wishing that you were White. Not knowing anything about what it means to be a young woman, your family can see how horribly you are cared for by your mother.

As I said before, there is no one to rescue you. 

During this time, you will have people accuse you of a lot of things. From eating all the food, to having sex on an elevator and starting a school riot. Now, the school riot part? That was legit. At some point, it all boils down to getting tired of being teased at home and in school. And one day, in the middle of the cafeteria, someone tried you in front of the entire school. You smacked her in the face with a lunch tray–which caused the riot.

Don’t worry–we won the fight!

You will meet very few male adults in your school who will try to take you under their wing and help you out. There won’t be any Black women who will even notice you are in trouble. You will make a small number of friends, roughly around five. Those will be the only ones whom you feel will truly accept you for who are. 

You will be molested, a lot.

You will try to kill yourself.

You will eventually be raped.

Your mother will not believe you and your friends will laugh in your face and ask: Who would want to rape you?!

Sorry hun, but I must tell the truth and prepare you for this.

This is also the time that you will have your high school sweetheart and through the finances of his parents, all your meals will come from their home. He won’t be afraid that they will call you Mike Tyson because of how much you fight!

He will see the beauty beyond the hurt and love you regardless. Also, you will be his tutor. Despite the fights, your grades will remain high. He will also take care of you. Even when you’re sick; need to take a shower and need to get away from all the turmoil in your life; his home will be a hideaway.

Also, to add to that, your mother’s drug habit will get worse. You will continue to live from place to place.  If that’s not enough, you will eventually be beaten with a high heel shoe by your mother. She is so high on cocaine, she thought that you stole $2.00 from her.

Yet again: NO ONE WILL HELP YOU!

Through all the constant, everyday struggle of dealing with life and school, you will have a few happy moments. You will be able to go on a trip with your high school sweetheart’s family. You will join an African-American poetry club. Even win a lot of awards from the ROTC program! Also, you will have a quite a few poems published! .

You will be the first person in your family to go to a school prom and graduate high school!

I know most of this is a lot for you to take in, but know this. In this space, you will notice your love and talent for writing. This is going to be the one thing that will keep you grounded.  All the anger and aggression you have will be funneled out in your writing! You will at times feel worthless and unworthy of love, but your writing poetry? That is the start to your creativity. Its going to be the peace that will keep you sane when everyone around you falls short!

It’s going to be hard for you and what you will go through. No child should ever have to face those things. I want you to know that no matter what, you are beautiful, courageous, kind, intelligent and more than deserving of love.

You are built for this pressure.

Right now, you are a diamond in the rough. The most beautiful, rare diamonds must have the most pressure applied in order for its full glory and sparkle to shine brightest!

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