Can you believe it? This year has 29 days, and there are 29 days to the start of a new decade. But I want to take today to recognize not everyone has such joy.
Hold fast, #Torches! This is not going to be a rehashing or trauma, beating dead horses or trauma porn.
What I want to do at the start of this month, as this year closes is to give you all time to laugh with us, cry with us, and if you need a shoulder or an ear we have one.
I have a love-hate relationship with the end of the year, with the month of December especially.
I lost my father to a heart attack 11 days before Christmas when I was 17. His funeral was 7 days before the holiday. Some years are better than others. I have been the kid that hated holidays because I had no joy. I have been the woman that wished to stay in bed all day for Christmas. I have also been the girl that cried making Christmas dinner for my own children–knowing they have no grandfather to visit later that day.
I have also been the girl happy to see Christmas lights in department store windows, and wished for White Christmases and believed in Santa. I have been the girl that wanted sugar cookies, and wanted to leave Santa coffee because ‘he would be up all night.’ I have been the woman that still puts up her Christmas tree every year, and decorates it with her kids, every year. I still send out my Christmas cards–when I remember!–every year. I still have joy at this time of the year!
I have also been the girl, woman now, that wants traditions to pass down to my children. That fantasizes about the big 9-foot tall spruces or pine trees, with elaborate glass or crystal ornaments, gold and red lights in a cabin, with jazz playing. Drinking hot cocoa in a huge sweater, in front of a fireplace.
I have been the Mama with no money leading up towards Christmas and had presents donated. I’ve been the Mama with the mad dash the days before Christmas, trying to find the perfect present for a child that had no idea how much overtime I had to pull to get what they wanted.
I have also been the woman in a horrible relationship and having to put on a brave face for a holiday with people you like even less for the sake of appearances!
I need you understand that this time of year is the culmination of the vicissitudes of life! You are allowed to mourn, to be mad, to cry, rejoice, and cook and make traditions–sometimes all in the same day! It is okay, Torches.
It is okay, to not be okay, Torches.
This month, let us be the light you have trusted us to be. Let us be a place of joy, reminder, and support when need be. One of the purposes of being a Torch is to light other torches when they are dim…or threaten to flicker. Or need another spark. Let us light the way towards the end of the year.
Come get your light, Torches. We got some.