Secret Santa Fiascos: Office Party/’I Never Wanted To Be Here’ Party Survival Guide

Image result for christmas tree dresses with black mannequins
‘Tis the season! Let the creativity of Eileen Pearsall soothe you. We’re here to help

As always #Torches, I love a good party as much as the next girl! But I also have been to enough company parties and mixers to know when I need to leave. So, because I love you all so, I’m going to give you 6 tips to help you negotiate this treacherous time of year. Don’t worry, I’m gracious. You can thank me later.

  1. ) Find out if the office party is mandatory. Believe me, this will save you so much time an energy. Most office Christmas parties are management’s idea of camaraderie and forced revelry! But sometimes these events are when bonuses are given, important announcements are given. Sometimes your malevolent overloads will require you to attend these social gatherings so get said intel. If you aren’t feeling particularly social, or have a work squad willing to take one of the team, or have a work husband or wife, have them give you the ugly stocking, dry holiday card with candy you won’t eat.

2.) Don’t car pool with people you don’t know. This goes without saying. I am of the age now where I ask these three (yes, three) questions when it relates to these types of functions:

-Do I have to go?

-Are you staying the whole time?

-Is it okay if I drive my own car?

I don’t have the patience to be somewhere I don’t want to be, with people I don’t like and gotta be trapped to stay there. No. No, ma’am. Uber and Lyft are sketchy, and I’m grown: I need to be able to leave when I get good and ready to burn out.

3.) Don’t be tricked to try and get an office bae because people have been drinking. Look, the last thing you need to do is to hook up at a office party. Do not be that woman. Do not be that man. Do not let the non-top shelf liquor trick you to think that dude that never irons his shirt, should be the one to give you a filled stocking! Do not be the dude to be seduced by the free booze and try and finesse a girl you wouldn’t talk to if you were sober. Do not like the dreary or drunken holiday party get you caught up! I tell you this because I love you.

4.) Remember the words of Alessia Cara in ‘HERE’. Lookahere, my girl Alessia Cara said it best, “I just came to kick it!” Office parties can be amazing, management wants them to be fun, increase staff morale, but I need you to know your job–if possible!–to go, pick up your gift, and just have fun. Kick it, and leave. Don’t car pool though.

5.) Don’t be afraid to sneak out. I am infamous for dipping out on situations that I don’t want to be in. Especially, if I find myself in a company function I have no desire to be in! I have been known to set emergency call, organize a certain time to leave, or organize a certain for me and all the folk who were rolling with me to leave. As Shonda Rimes said in The Year Of Yes, “I’m not saying that it was right; I’m saying that it worked.”

6.) Your phone is a lifesaver. See the above piece of advice. Your smart phone is this most resourceful tool you can have as it relates to being in places you no longer want to be! I have a few decided Uber driver, a Lyft driver and a few games to duck out an play. Set the Evac plan in motion before you head to a party. You’ll thank me later. Don’t do it when you get there! Then your cover will be blown, and if you rode with folk? They might leave you.

Have fun this office party holiday season, loves. But remember what I said. Otherwise, you’ll be stuck like Charlie Brown and that sad tree he had.

[Image from the Daily Mail.]

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