Note: This piece is going to be NSFW. This piece is going to talk frankly about sex, sexual health and embracing your sexuality in all its forms. There will be no slut-shaming or name calling here. This is a sex positive space! What Nicole Powell is doing is needed and necessary. Either join the tribe or remain a prude. It’s up to you. -JBHarris
I got invited to the Facebook group, #PussyTrauma through friend of mine. With such a provocative name, I thought it was a spam-kink group. But after the third invite, I relented. I joined. I was curious.
From that invite, I have been exposed to the most positive space for sexual health, advice, expression and advocacy. Did I mention the space is lead by a Black woman? Imagine it! A space full of Black women, loving on themselves, talking their partners up and offering sexual advice–without catty-nasty behavior!
This is that space!
I can say this with all certainty I have learned something every day. I have learned to love my body a little more. I have learned that someone’s kink doesn’t make them dirty or bad or –the coded word for whore–fast.
In the group, this podcast was mentioned. Since I enjoyed the conversations in the group, I made it my business to find the podcast and listen. I loved how open Nicole is, how personable, and how utterly fucking real she is!
So often, Black women aren’t allowed to really be frank and sexual. We aren’t allowed space or voice to express or emote desire. In challenging those classic troupes (namely: the dichotomy between the Mammie and Jezebel (or wench)), we as Black women claim a sexual space for generations we are told we can’t have!
Do you know how revolutionary that is?!
Nicole teaches through her podcast the power and beauty of the female body: all it can do, and that shame is a construct for the fearful. Through her podcast she talks about fetishes, desire, and she normalizes what it means to be a sexual being! In hearing a woman, a Black woman, be that frank about something that is whispered about? You cannot help but be a fan of hers.
Now, I am far from a prude–and there are a certain number of men that know this to be true. The remarkable thing about Nicole is how she owns her sexual past, loves her husband, and is determined to remind all of us a pretty Black women we have a right to like (and want) sexual pleasure.
The additional thing you need to know about Nicole is she is a sexual health advocate. Yes! You can still enjoy sex while being cognizant of the hazards of unprotected sex. You can still enjoy sex and know your status! It does not make you less of a sexual being to say what you don’t want; to say ‘stop’ or flirt and change your mind about getting some!
Sexual health is not a matter for Black women to ignore! Our overall health is nothing to ignore! The data is imposing and scary! If advocacy reminds women to treasure their bodies and be aware of their own sexual activity–without shame!–that is lifesaving!
Nicole through her frank and warm nature, assures the listening audience that sex is not–nor ever will be–a dirty thing. She reminds her listening audience that sex is fun and enjoyable. Moreover, through her other work with Tadow Sexuality, she discusses the hindrances to enjoying sex as well.
There is a power in doing what Hamlet instructs: to thine own self be true. In confronting the things that stop you from enjoying the most powerful part of yourself, can you not in turn, love yourself a little more? Express yourself a little freer? Realize that to want what you want, how you want it never ever made you anything less than a sexual being?
Every woman has some sort of #PussyTrauma–and Nicole made space to talk about the stuff that has made us mad (abuse, rape, molestation), confused us (changes in our bodies after childbirth, menopause fears) and made us want to break windows to start screaming (relationship issues and asking for the pleasure you deserve).
#PussyTrauma is a healing space.
Sexpectations is a learning space.
Tadow Sexuality is a normalizing space.
Black women are magical—and sometimes to reclaim the part of ourselves most magical, we need a little help.
Thank you, Nicole.
If you want to find out more about the work Nicole does, click here. If you want to be apart of the #PussyTrauma tribe, it is by invitation only. Find Sexpectations on Apple Podcast, Google Play or wherever you get your podcasts! You won’t regret it!
[images from #PussyTrauma on Facebook]