This is the last installment of this series. I hope, I pray, my wisdom (and fears in some cases) have sparked conversations with you and the people you love. If they have, then I have done by job.
With all the things we have discussed, I believe this last thing will be the hardest. It is an open letter to those of you whom have sons. Not as a warning, not as a vehement, vicious assault. Just as something you may need to know. From a mother whom has daughters, to you as a mother whom has a son.
As the mother of a daughters, I want them to find a someone whom loves them. Loves them beyond their aesthetic, who will support them in all they decide to do. I want them to find a love which is lasting, warm and all theirs. I never want them to believe they have to tolerate ‘struggle love’ to be what they must wade into in order to attain any type of happily ever after. I never want them to have to contend with your son for his affection, energy, love or support. I never want your son to try and manipulate them because they seem ‘too much’ for you and your son feel as if he has to ‘take her down a notch’.
As a mother of daughters, I want you son to realize if he is not ready for a relationship, he need not pursue one. I want your son to know his worth is beyond what antics his body can do in any sexual aspect. I want your son to know girls and women are valuable—Queens all by themselves! I want you to remind your son sexual assault has no excuse, has not basis in society, and is a crime. I want you to remind your son if she tries to take the humanity of a woman is such a base fashion, you will not allow him to wiggle out of what he did. I want you to remind your son that women belong in the world with the same power and equality that he does.
As a mother of daughters, I want you to know your son is fallible–just as my daughters are. They have mood swings, bad days, apprehensions and consequences to dumb actions. I want you to hold you son to a standard! I want you to not make the mistake of rescuing him because ‘he’s a good kid.’ I want you to teach your son there are consequences to their actions. That there are things in the world that you do which can never be undone. That can never be fixed. That cannot be apologized for, buried or covered by money.
As the mother of daughters, I want you to teach your son that actions have ramifications and consequences; time does not erase that, nor does it offer solace for their behavior. I want your son to know that I hold/will hold you responsible for this actions which may be detrimental to others!
As the mother of daughters, I want you to know I have the belief that your son is a great asset to the world. I want you to know I believe your son will be a hero, a world-changer, one that will open doors for women and honor women. I want to believe you will teach your sons that manhood is multifaceted. I want you to raise such a boy to a man that he will see other boys and men being less than their best selves (in modern terms: trash AF) they will speak up and say something. I want your son to have the ability to be lover and ally and partner to a worthy woman.
As the mother of daughters, I want your sons to be able to realize, if they were to meet my daughters, they have been raised. They are beautiful and formidable. They are empathetic, loyal and deserving of all good things the world offers. I want your son to know, if he were to choose my daughters to journey through this life with, I expect her to be protected, loved and cared for: if they are precious to me, they must remain precious to him.
As the mother of daughters, I need you tell your sons, I expect the ones that show interest in my daughters to be worthy of them. Your sons will not be exempt from that expectation! Finally, I want you to know, as the mother of daughters, I have told them to leave the table when love ceases to be served. They are owed and deserve love which they should not have to pay for with pain or struggle; neither should your son. I want you to know as the parents of sons, releasing them into the world, I wish them good things. But, I have taught them to be content to be okay with being single–not being defined by their spouses or partners.
As the mother of daughters, I need you to know I would do anything for them. Even protect them from your sons if need be and necessary.