First things first; Anon you used a word that stuck out to me like a sore thumb: ‘numb’. Any time I see folks using that in terms of feelings they have towards a situation or person it’s an immediate red flag; tells me that that person needs to get out. We as humans don’t know our purposes on this Earth but we know we have strong feelings, are very sensitive to the world around us, and the people in it. I’m not saying everyone is an empath, but everyone has someone who draws certain feelings out of them. So, when you no longer feel that? You need to be concerned.
I know you talk about how you would “never” cheat on your partner—but that’s just the thing. You can’t say that you would never do it when you’re openly admitting to constantly thinking about it. Thoughts soon turn into actions: it’s the exact same way manifestation works. When you’re fixated on an idea, you’re bound to act on it or be put into a position that tests the idea! So before you even get to that point you should probably jump ship.
You’re numb towards your partner which essentially means at some point you’re going to be numb to how she would feel if you do step outside of y’all relationship. Leave while you still have the chance to spare her feelings.