I cannot believe that we are still having the debate about how to treat Black women. But, perhaps that is me being an eternal optimist. After Russell Wilson declared he feared losing his wife that he was declared a ‘lame’, ‘simp’ and everything demeaning to call a man whom is happily in love with a woman.
What continues to be glaring to me is the main perpetuators of this type of hate is Black men. And I wish that it wasn’t. It’s bad enough to have White men discriminate and fetishize Black women in every possible way, it feels that much more evil to have a man that looks like your father jump on the bandwagon of a system that makes your existence that much harder! Why is it the goal of some Black women to make Black women ‘worked’ to be loved by them? Why is ‘struggle love’ now the standard? Why is Russell ‘a lame’ because he loves his wife.
Truly loves his wife. Supports her. Excepted everything that came along with living her. Crazy, toxic ex. A child from that ex. A career to build. He respects her, vocal about how he loves her, and cannot imagine life without her. The thing is, there is a generation of young men that tie love to sex, and haven’t been taught or shown what it looks like for a man to take care of a woman–without making her suffer to be loved. The question that needs to be asked is WHY it is the world feels that Black women should have to suffer for anything that might be good or lasting–including love?
Russell Wilson is not a lame. He’s a man that loves his wife, completely. And devoted to her and their family. What needs to be said is this:
Relationships are work! If you are not prepared to build a relationship with a woman or have no idea how to make that happen, say that. Be honest with yourself! Be honest with her! There are things a woman will require in order to make a relationship conducive to submission. There are things a man will require in order for their to be respect. But what cannot be reasoned with or ignored is that there are too many men who have no idea what it means to love a woman, and truly support her. There are too many women that have decided that struggle love is good enough for them, and for the want of being ‘chosen’ have put up with the bare minimum and less. There is a class of men (across racial demographics) that see a woman wanting more from her relationship than he is willing to give as ‘asking too much’ or being a bitch because she will not settle.
Ciara didn’t settle. She didn’t fall off. She found someone that loves her and her son! Ciara found someone with more money than her ex will ever have, and continues to be happy. The vox populi of low-vibration dudes can’t stand that. They can die mad.