Thing Scarier Than Being Black: Post-Divorce Dating

Dating is awkward.

Dating is vicious.

Dating after the end of a serious relationship—its SAW level frightening!

At the happen end of this second marriage, I was relieved. Dating was the last thing, the absolute last thing, that I wanted to do. Being vulnerable again? Seeing someone again? Putting on pants when I don’t have to–dressing up for someone (or some occasion) that might not come again? Yeah. No.

That’s a HARD no.

I mean, my nickname from the girls I ran with in my 20’s was Glamour Girl. I like dressing up! I always have a shoe, a bag, and a lip. I have a signature perfume, red lip, and always an emergency Uber. I know how to date. I just didn’t want to date. Why?

Fear of rejection.

Fear of being vulnerable.

It was just easier not to be in places where people would like at me and want to be with me! Being alone…was a default. And I was okay with that! On top of that, I’m a true crime fan! I also have read all 3 books in the YOU series, and know what the Dark Tetrad is! I did not want to end up missing (no one looks for Black girls or women, you all know that), and that fear kept the world out and me from being snatched out of it.

There are countless Lifetime movies made about post-divorcee moms trying to get their lives together only to be stymied or murdered in the prime of their lives because they trusted the wrong man. Or the man they chose became a monster and now they were buried under a house!

I didn’t want that. I don’t want that. My kids need me.

Besides, I’m okay with cheering on other people’s romances…and believe in love, yes.

I also believe that peace is steel.

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