I am used to being in the background.
There is a reason why I am a writer, and not an actor.
In this place, in this space, at year five, I have had to come into the realization that I am still really insecure! I thought it was good enough to have my words be seen and not me be seen. I mean, I was bullied as a kid, had bad acne, and was an artistic kid. I mean…it took me until I was deep in my 20’s before I started to see myself as beautiful.
I mean, it was nothing to have a full face of make up on for my 7am Algebra classes!
It was nothing for me to be dependent on my hair being done, nails done, make up on for me to even feel pretty. Now, I love the act of getting ready, and like all those trappings of womanhood–don’t get me wrong! But for me to be the FACE of a brand, of a platform that I built?! Man…that was something else.
And it still is. It still is!
I hid behind my words, because the confidence wasn’t there. Not like it needed to be! I understand now that confidence is key for public platforms, so it is an expectation that I have to look a certain way. But I had to accept the fact that part of that visibility comes with criticism. It comes with people picking at me, and I have to know who am whether I am done up, or bare-faced and nails undone.
In that, with that–I had to admit that the ownership of this space is two-fold: my words, and my presence. Fire is felt, and smoke is seen, right?