TW: sexual abuse, domestic violence, molestation, rape Admin note: I am incredibly proud of Rebecca for being so forthcoming. Send her love and light. Some times the strongest women have … Continue reading I’ll Be Better When I Get There
There is something about being grateful! It makes you expectant and hopeful about what it is you must do! Think of it this way. Gratitude is what oils your joy! … Continue reading In The Light, Choking The Dark
There is a seducing nature to pain. A stabilizing factor in suffering. You can diagnosis it. Take medicine. Get more rest. Pain can be managed. Pain can be explained … Continue reading The Trauma Romance & Recovery
Admin Note: June will always be Men’s Month here on The Ideal Firestarter. It will be a space of honest dialogue and love, also of objective observation. For today, I … Continue reading In Wait
It is always easier to assess what is wrong with other people. This is because of a word most people embrace or run from: involvement.
There is something that happens when you discern what is wrong with other people, and how they can change to do better, but you will not apply that same wisdom to old or new situations. It is always easier to tell what is wrong with other people, what they should do, need to do, and ought to do, because it has no effect on you. Those free opinions are just that: free opinions. The cost nothing to give, and nothing to receive–there is no involvement. There are no consequences.
However, when it is your or I whom are forced to face these righteous opinions according to life and self, we come indignant or suffer from amnesia. In this space, being on the receiving end of your personal involvement and accountability to your own life, you have to understand, embracing the things you don’t like about yourself, or the things your desire to change, are essential. Awkward enough, those things are sometimes best seen by people with no involvement in your failure or success.
Your responsibility in that space is to discern what is being told to you is applicable and accurate to your own life. If it is, you have the responsibility to incorporate it or let it go. In letting it go, you decide it is of no use to you, and you hold no accountability to what is being told you and will not use it. Nothing about your life will change.
However, if you decide that there may be a modicum of truth told, there is something to this new information which you believe can be used to make your life better? You have the responsibility to use it! Therein lies the difference–in order for change to be evident, you must be involved with its outcome. You must be willing to give up what is or may be comfortable in favor of what is beneficial to you.
Will it be comfortable? No, not always. Change is not designed to be a source of comfort, but of transition and transformation. These two things, require stamina and focus. Stamina is sustained strength over time, focus is to be goal-oriented and to envision a larger outcome.
You must be a participant in your own life…no matter what the larger opinion.