My letter to myself will be in 4 parts in pivotal points in my life. The one will be when I was about 5. -JBHarris Dear Jen-Sue: You are a … Continue reading In The Girl That Was
The first thirty-one days of the new year are almost over. I used to hate January. Like, hate January. I would sulk, and be standoffish and wish it were warmer. Missouri winters can be just harsh and dark. I’m a summer baby, and I thrive when it’s warm and covered in light.
This year was different. I cannot tell you how and why, but it determined before December 2017, that I wouldn’t be sullen in the new year. I determined that all I had used up in 2017, I wouldn’t bring its remnants into 2018. Part of that is in conjunction with my participation in The Awakenings Project. The basis of this project is self-determination outside of the labeling of society.
The word I used for the previous cycle was ambition. Ambition is my rocket fuel. When I decided my word, that was a seed unknown that pushed me to examine what it is I wanted, wanted to do, and how I was going to get it. More importantly, it challenged me to see what I could do without: what could I leave behind? What couldn’t go with me?
I decided the sullenness couldn’t go with me. The waiting couldn’t go with me. Waiting for time to be perfect couldn’t go with me. I had to be determined to leave behind what weight I carried. The weight I carried was who I thought I wanted to become.
I had to let go of the dream of–everything. This identity I made for myself, and tried to maintain before I became a wife and mother. I had to forgive myself for the her that I was, and embrace the she I am becoming. I had to embrace what I lost: time, energy, people, money and be content knowing this is not the end. Even the Bible says better is the end of a thing than the beginning.
Those thing we say we need, we try to get back, and need one more of. But will you take the step of giving yourself grace and love and acceptance to start over without benefit of a new year?
From right where you are now–right now–can you let go of whatever has plagued, promised and passed? Are you willing to let all that doesn’t serve you–go? If you can, this is the first step towards the crucial thing we never give ourselves: credit and forgiveness.
Credit allows you to be confident in what it is you desire to do and admit that as your decision. Forgiveness allows you to accept yourself where you are, and for whatever you did and move forward!
That is today’s impartation: move forward.
We all sometimes need a do over–but what are you will to part with to get yours?