As a child, we are taught to be selfless, humble and to put others before ourselves. If you are always thinking and doing for others, who is going to take care of you? Who is thinking about you? When you are consistently putting others before you and you’re not being taken care of the same, you will start to feel used, unloved and underappreciated. Which in turn will lead to other feelings such as: anger, bitterness, frustration and the list goes on and on.
Be advised everything has a balance and in order for you to care for anyone else, you have to take care of you first. As Katt Williams would say: Your Star Player. That is truly that art of self-love. If the team is depending on the star and the star is not up to par, the whole team will eventually suffer.
The definition of self-love simply means: regard for one’s own well-being and happiness. We should strive to be the very best version of ourselves. Here are a few tips on how you begin to be in touch with your ‘star player’:
- Self-Maintenance- Would you drive a car that you knew without a shadow of doubt that would break down on you as soon as drive on the highway going 60 miles an hour in high speed traffic? I would surely hope the answer is NO! The same things go for you. Taking proper care of yourself, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually is a vital part of self-love. Embrace the things you know will get you going and moving in a positive manner.
- Establishing Boundaries and Protect Yourself- Don’t place yourself in situations or circumstances that you know are not safe and nor conducive to a peaceful, healthy lifestyle. It’s is okay to recognize when you need to let go of people or jump ship. Even for close friends and family. Never hold on to a relationship or situation which does not serve you. This is the fastest doom to self-love. If it is friendships, relationships or work interactions don’t serve you or bring you higher to help become your best self, these situations are dead weight and a detriment to your life.
Forgiveness– After you’ve gone through self-maintenance, you’ve set boundaries to protect yourself, you are going to upset some people along the way. They are going to notice that you are happier, but they are also going to feel like something is wrong with you. They may feel like you are acting funny, you think you are better than they are or being shady. It may make you feel like you did something wrong and you will mostly start to feel bad about it.
DON’T FALL FOR THE TRAP!
It’s okay. The ones that feel like this, are the ones you probably should have let go of a long time ago. We are extremely hard on ourselves at times. You must forgive yourself. If you can’t forgive you, how can you forgive anyone else? Holding on to all the hurt, pain and anguish that you know you caused or someone may have felt that you have caused them is never good for your soul or your spirit. You need to release and relinquish those feelings! Forgiving yourself is not making the bad behavior or mistake okay. Its recognizing that you may have done something that was out of order, making a conscious and consistent effort to not repeat the behavior, apologizing (if necessary) and learning from it to teach others.
In today’s society we are always at the service of others, but when are we going to realize that we need to serve ourselves so that we can service others? Remember, you are worthy of your own time, space, love and attention just like others are. It’s not being selfish. It’s taking responsibility for yourself first.